MJLT
Michael James Lever Tillotson
Today is the first anniversary of my Father's death. My thoughts today turn naturally to him; as well as to my Mother, who luckily today will be kept company by my sister in Suffolk.
It is hard to know what I can say. I think I’ll just include what I said at his memorial service last May, in a small village church in deepest, greenest Suffolk, five months after the funeral. It is a little pompous and serious in its style, but I wanted to be formal, more formal than my sisters had wanted to be, since I wanted to communicate in all seriousness the sense in which his life had been a success, and a gift to those who knew him. In any case, if you can’t be serious about someone when you’re publically saying goodbye to them forever, when can you be?
"I think the earliest memory I have of my Dad is of lying on him as he was watching a TV programme about Stalin, the Russian dictator, a man who always fascinated him, and after whom, as some of you may recall, he named our first family dog, the large black and white spaniel, who lived with us at Barton Road until the late 1970s.
Being something of a shy man, I did not always find Dad the most communicative of men but nevertheless always felt that our affection for one another was clearly communicated, by tone of voice and eye contact, and that a certain shared intellectual and spiritual understanding forged a deep bond between us; particular topics of shared interest were classical music and history...I recall playing Mozart CD’s to him in his declining years in Suffolk, and hearing him speak emotionally about Music and feeling honored to be drawn into such a very special field of his enthusiasm. I recall also his slow, deliberate, majestically delivered speeches he’d on occasions make around the dinner table on topics of history and international politics, subjects very close to his heart… He could talk commandingly and with authority on many subjects but George III, Jack the Ripper and the Cuban missile crisis were three of his favorites I recall fondly.
I have extremely warm and grateful memories of trips I was lucky enough to take with Dad to Germany in 1986 and 1991 and then to Ireland in 1993. That earliest trip to Germany in particular struck a deep chord with me, intensifying my desire to learn about the history and philosophies of the world I live in.
And as we all will who knew him, I thank him for his generosity and again for his humour, but should also like to mention and thank him for his sensitivity and his kind taste for freedom and liberality, that sense in which Dad allowed his 4 children the space and freedom to develop as they wished, and to follow and take their own self-chosen trajectories, and to support them in whatever choices they made.
I feel certain my father is now very well and happy. If Dad can hear me now, as I’m sure he can, may he know that I loved him, as did we all, very much, and may he also know the depths of my gratitide for his life and for all that he gave me, and gave to all who knew him."
Being something of a shy man, I did not always find Dad the most communicative of men but nevertheless always felt that our affection for one another was clearly communicated, by tone of voice and eye contact, and that a certain shared intellectual and spiritual understanding forged a deep bond between us; particular topics of shared interest were classical music and history...I recall playing Mozart CD’s to him in his declining years in Suffolk, and hearing him speak emotionally about Music and feeling honored to be drawn into such a very special field of his enthusiasm. I recall also his slow, deliberate, majestically delivered speeches he’d on occasions make around the dinner table on topics of history and international politics, subjects very close to his heart… He could talk commandingly and with authority on many subjects but George III, Jack the Ripper and the Cuban missile crisis were three of his favorites I recall fondly.
I have extremely warm and grateful memories of trips I was lucky enough to take with Dad to Germany in 1986 and 1991 and then to Ireland in 1993. That earliest trip to Germany in particular struck a deep chord with me, intensifying my desire to learn about the history and philosophies of the world I live in.
And as we all will who knew him, I thank him for his generosity and again for his humour, but should also like to mention and thank him for his sensitivity and his kind taste for freedom and liberality, that sense in which Dad allowed his 4 children the space and freedom to develop as they wished, and to follow and take their own self-chosen trajectories, and to support them in whatever choices they made.
I feel certain my father is now very well and happy. If Dad can hear me now, as I’m sure he can, may he know that I loved him, as did we all, very much, and may he also know the depths of my gratitide for his life and for all that he gave me, and gave to all who knew him."
Indeed, it's no joke that our family dog when I grew up was called Stalin. Here he is with me, in the late 70s.
No comments:
Post a Comment