Partridges and Peartrees No More.

When I was a child, outside my bedroom were two posters, one displaying a nursery rhyme (Three Blind Mice), the other the xmas carol 'The Twelve days of Christmas'. The latter was there all year all year round, which you might think a bit odd, perhaps.

Click here to read or refresh yourself with the lyrics of this song. You can also listen to the song as well. As Christmas carols go, I think it's pretty hot, at least in terms of the tune. I especially like the way it gradually builds up into a Wagnerian crescendo, if you hear what I mean. Maybe a bit like the end of 'Bolero' by Ravel. Only, at the end you're left less with the feeling that the whole world has been exhausted.

Not sure the lyrics do much for me though; which was why I was amused and delighted to discover, after the recent death of my dear Father (R.I.P), a different version of the songs lyrics, written by his good self.

At moments they show their age (penned in the early 80s), with the reference to 'memos' not emails and 'phone-booths'. But then, nobody asked time to move so flipping fast, least of all my Dad. Originally, when he wrote these lyrics, Dad's version had the name of the owner of the company that he worked for, instead of 'my love'. This company was not the best of the generally unsatisfactory jobs he endured since our family firm was sold to an American company, St.Regis, in the early 1970s.

Here it is anyway. His version:

On the first day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
A five-part travel permit form.

On the second day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Two fire alarms,
And a five-part travel permit form.

On the third day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Three clapped-out phone booths
Two fire alarms,
And a five-part travel permit form.

On the fourth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Four faulty copiers,
Three clapped-out phone booths
Two fire alarms,
And a five-part travel permit form.

On the fifth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Five redundancies
Four faulty copiers,
Three clapped-out phone booths
Two fire alarms,
And a five-part travel permit form.

On the sixth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Six blocked up windows
Five redundancies
Four faulty copiers,
Three clapped-out phone booths
Two fire alarms,
And a five-part travel permit form.

On the seventh day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Seven rusty kettles
Six blocked up windows
Five redundancies
Four faulty copiers,
Three clapped-out phone booths
Two fire alarms,
And a five-part travel permit form.

On the eighth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Eight sub-committees
Seven rusty kettles
Six blocked up windows
Five redundancies
Four faulty copiers,
Three clapped-out phone booths
Two fire alarms,
And a five-part travel permit form.

On the ninth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me Nine Ex-directors
Eight sub-committees
Seven rusty kettles
Six blocked up windows
Five redundancies
Four faulty copiers,
Three clapped-out phone booths
Two fire alarms,
And a five-part travel permit form.

On the tenth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Ten flexi-time sheets
Nine Ex-directors
Eight sub-committees
Seven rusty kettles
Six blocked up windows
Five redundancies
Four faulty copiers,
Three clapped-out phone booths
Two fire alarms,
And a five-part travel permit form.

On the eleventh day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Eleven tons of memos
Ten flexi-time sheets
Nine Ex-directors
Eight sub-committees
Seven rusty kettles
Six blocked up windows
Five redundancies
Four faulty copiers,
Three clapped-out phone booths
Two fire alarms,
And a five-part travel permit form.

On the twelfth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Twelve cuts in salary
Eleven tons of memos
Ten flexi-time sheets
Nine Ex-directors
Eight sub-committees
Seven rusty kettles
Six blocked up windows
Five redundancies
Four faulty copiers,
Three clapped-out phone booths
Two fire alarms,
And a five-part travel permit form.


More about my Dad later. Perhaps on January 9th, the first anniversary of his death. We weren't really that close, in terms of conversation and doing things together. But I always admired him tremendously, even though I would disagree with him at times. His main legacy must be the freedom he extended to me in not putting any pressure on me at all to be x or y or z.