Absence and Some Questions Answered
I have written nothing for ten days. Is this a long time? Maybe yes, maybe no, it will depend on who’s judging. Voices within me say I might want to think about apologising for not writing sooner. But I quieten them with the thought that it is presumptious of me to suppose anyone cares. Since Xmas my Myspace Vanity-meter has registered a dwindling interest from readers, whilst on blogger I have no idea how many ‘hits’ I get. Actually I don’t want to know. My vanity would dislike being informed of my irrelevance, whilst my spiritual conscience, so it tells me, would disdain the arrogance-swelling consequences of information to the contrary.
I have not stopped writing out of any deliberate choice. Rather, I have been that most fashionable of things – busy. On Feb 7 I again flew to England, courtesy of a fume-spewing aluminium Irish bird. I would rather she’d have soared pristinely in a vast wing-flapping motion, but this it seems was impossible. I console myself with the realistic thought that the Ryan Air creature-in-question would have journeyed as it did anyway, with or without my attendance; I know, however, that such a violation of Kant’s categorical imperative is only superficially impressive. Still, I trust we can agree that it’s going to take a lot more than any smug self-righteous avoidance of convenient transportation to turn this world around?
I went back to Blighty to attend an interview for the JET program. It is run by the Japenese Government and it posts teachers of English to schools in Japan. I may accept this job, though they’d have to offer it to me first. On the other hand I may not, presuming they do. Really I’d like to get out of TEFL altogether but doing so in a way harmonious to my soul, or indeed in any way, is a question. It is indeed The Question. Suggestions and job offers are welcome. Of course if life was not just a vulgar business of keeping and defending money, things would be a whole lot easier. And not just for me, we can be sure. For you too, oh beloved fellow denizens of the blue planet.
Sometimes I wonder if we really are slaves of some inhuman cosmic agency set against us….until I wake up and remember it's only we ourselves who insist we wear the chains we wear.
It was lovely being back in England, for reasons that had nothing to do with work: Seeing old friends, Liz from Durham, an old Slovak teacher Vicky, Clare from Durham, British Laura, Lee and Nicola in Northampton, and my Mum in Water Hall, Suffolk. I would like to spend all my time engaged in such activities…visiting my beloved friends, smiling and laughing, being delighted to be alive, and talking about joyful and cosmic themes, but alas I cannot. The iron frown of Lord Mammon, the uber-bore, takes no prisoners, as we know. He wouldn’t smile even if you tickled his balls.
Life is a serious business…I do not need to be reminded.
Anyway…here’s another silly or not so silly questionnaire that I had sent to me..this time by someone called ‘Suicide Baby’. Actually from what I know of her, she seems very jolly. No doubt some people may consider these kinds of questionnaires trite and stupid. There’s no doubt they do try to force you into a box, sometimes, in the kinds of answers they expect. Nevertheless, I think they can often ‘get to the core’ more directly than some more sophisticated approaches can. This one I think was above average.
Ever punch someone in the face? Yes, my brother..he was teasing and mocking me after I’d cut myself and while I was sitting on my Mum's knee.
How old are you? 35 (not my decision..I'd rather be 17)
Are you single or taken? Single..but even if I weren’t I wouldnt be 'taken'..I belong to myself and to humanity and to God. Not to any specific person who wished to unite with me such as to be able to 'own' or control me. Is that unromantic?
I have not stopped writing out of any deliberate choice. Rather, I have been that most fashionable of things – busy. On Feb 7 I again flew to England, courtesy of a fume-spewing aluminium Irish bird. I would rather she’d have soared pristinely in a vast wing-flapping motion, but this it seems was impossible. I console myself with the realistic thought that the Ryan Air creature-in-question would have journeyed as it did anyway, with or without my attendance; I know, however, that such a violation of Kant’s categorical imperative is only superficially impressive. Still, I trust we can agree that it’s going to take a lot more than any smug self-righteous avoidance of convenient transportation to turn this world around?
I went back to Blighty to attend an interview for the JET program. It is run by the Japenese Government and it posts teachers of English to schools in Japan. I may accept this job, though they’d have to offer it to me first. On the other hand I may not, presuming they do. Really I’d like to get out of TEFL altogether but doing so in a way harmonious to my soul, or indeed in any way, is a question. It is indeed The Question. Suggestions and job offers are welcome. Of course if life was not just a vulgar business of keeping and defending money, things would be a whole lot easier. And not just for me, we can be sure. For you too, oh beloved fellow denizens of the blue planet.
Sometimes I wonder if we really are slaves of some inhuman cosmic agency set against us….until I wake up and remember it's only we ourselves who insist we wear the chains we wear.
It was lovely being back in England, for reasons that had nothing to do with work: Seeing old friends, Liz from Durham, an old Slovak teacher Vicky, Clare from Durham, British Laura, Lee and Nicola in Northampton, and my Mum in Water Hall, Suffolk. I would like to spend all my time engaged in such activities…visiting my beloved friends, smiling and laughing, being delighted to be alive, and talking about joyful and cosmic themes, but alas I cannot. The iron frown of Lord Mammon, the uber-bore, takes no prisoners, as we know. He wouldn’t smile even if you tickled his balls.
Life is a serious business…I do not need to be reminded.
Anyway…here’s another silly or not so silly questionnaire that I had sent to me..this time by someone called ‘Suicide Baby’. Actually from what I know of her, she seems very jolly. No doubt some people may consider these kinds of questionnaires trite and stupid. There’s no doubt they do try to force you into a box, sometimes, in the kinds of answers they expect. Nevertheless, I think they can often ‘get to the core’ more directly than some more sophisticated approaches can. This one I think was above average.
Ever punch someone in the face? Yes, my brother..he was teasing and mocking me after I’d cut myself and while I was sitting on my Mum's knee.
How old are you? 35 (not my decision..I'd rather be 17)
Are you single or taken? Single..but even if I weren’t I wouldnt be 'taken'..I belong to myself and to humanity and to God. Not to any specific person who wished to unite with me such as to be able to 'own' or control me. Is that unromantic?
Eat with your hands or utensils? Cutlery, unless I'm in the cinema or am eating a sandwich, nuts or crisps (chips to the Americans).
Do you dream at night? I am seldom aware of my dreams. Probably I do dream, but the messenger obviously gets lost.
Ever seen a corpse? From a distance in India, burning by the side of a river..I couldn't make out any bodily features. I sat next to my dead father. He was under a blanket. I decided not to look. I wanted to remember him as he was when alive.
Have you ever wished someone dead? Yes, but not really..it was a kind of simulated unreal emotion expressive of deep pain and frustration. I’ve only ever hated the people I loved. Why would I hate the people I don’t even know, since I can expect or want nothing from them?
Do You Like Bush, the President? I haven't met him. You are asking if I like what I know of him courtesy of the Media? Well, he's got a funny smile and his postures are kind of original. He can make me laugh. I worry about his intelligence and facility with words. As Governor, he killed people in Texas- although it was legal for him to do so, it must be said. But is an evil law an excuse? No doubt I might want to ask him a few questions about a great many things. He suffers the usual defects of politicians operating in a deeply sick world.
What's your philosophy on life? and death? You want me to summarise it...hmmm..a challenge....how about loving your enemies, or rather not having enemies...er embracing and reconciling opposites and being responsible for all existence. In my opinion, not believeing in God might make this stance more difficult. Death is a pain in the ass..and in the skeleton. I am not in favour of it.
If you could do anything with me, and have no one know..? This would depend my dear on what you wanted to do...it might also depend on my mood..I might just want to drink a tea and talk about ethereal themes..or I might not..who knows. Answers would be context dependent.
Do you trust the police? Not particulary, one way or the other.
Do you like country music? Cotton Eyed Joe is very amusing!
What is your fondest memory of me? Alas, we have never met.
If you could change anything about yourself what would it be? I'd be thinner and have straighter lower teeth, and be more accomplished in the pronunciation of my 'r' sounds.
Would you date me? Heavens below...how do I know?...I'd have no problem going out for a coffee or meal with you if that's what you mean. I'm not entirely sure what the word date means (i.e what does it include/exclude/necessitate).
What do you wear to sleep? I sleep naked.
If I only had one day to live, what would we do together? Probably be a bit frightened?
What is your favorite thing about me? I like the way you send out questionnaires like this to 'strangers' like me..or rather 'friends' as myspace would have it.
Do you think I'm attractive? er..not sure I’ve seen enough pics.
What's your favorite color? There is an ongoing tussle between blue and green but I think blue wins..it was green as a child.
If you could bring back anyone that has passed, who would it be? Probably Jesus, then Jim Morrison, then Gurdjieff. Talking to Nietzsche would also be interesting. I think however you mean amongst people I've known...probably my Dad..but this might depend on whether or not he's happier where he is.
Tell me one interesting/odd fact about you? I have two spots on my upper arms. When I was young the darker one was called Africa, the lighter one India. Actually now they seem pretty much the same colour.
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