Zed and Jules

I am not, as a rule, a producer of fiction, since I don't have much of a facility for plot development. It's true, as I wrote earlier, that I don't find 'stories' that interesting. In the books and films I like I'm far more interested in moments of dialogue and character depiction than in the unfolding of any given plot. Anyway, I thought I'd put a bit of dialogue down here, which I wrote two months ago. The theme is in no way original. I will confess that outright.

It is immaterial to me where the scene takes place, but preferably somewhere with comfy armchairs. I am happy to accept that it might be considered a ‘pile of old: choose your noun.’

J: Ok, shall we start?

Z: Sure, whenever you're ready.

J: I Just hope this recording device works. Testing testing ….yeah, its fine, right

Z: How’s your coffee?

J: Er, fine I think, yes good…yours?

Z: Very nice, thank you. It is good to drink coffee.

J: Indeed.

Z: Shall I kick off the proceedings or would you like to begin?

J: Er, I think I can manage, thanks…I think we’ve already begun, haven’t we?

Z: So it seems, yes (laughter)

J: Right, Zed, is it ok if I call you Zed?

Zed: That’s fine, absolutely..why not. Zed is a marvellous name. Thank you for giving it me. You show yourself to be a man of taste.

J: Why, thank you sir

Zed: Isn’t this the point where everyone shouts “get on with it”?

J: It may be yes. It may very well be. Right, Zed, so, how long now it it that yiou have been observing the life of homo sapiens on Planet Earth?

Zed: Ten years, 3 months and 21 days. I must say it has been a wonderful experience. Thank you so much for having me. I have found your Planet unusually intriguing, if in need of a little tender loving care. Thank you.

J: Please don’t mention it. It has been a joy to know you Zed, to have had you with us.

Zed: It is good to know that one can be a cause of joy; this is very reassuring.

J: Zed, may I ask what you were doing before you began to observe us?

Zed: I was at home. I had just finished redecorating our village hall. I guess this is what you could call it. You see, we were preparing for one of our more lavish celebratory festivals. I was busy, right up to the day I accepted the challenge to come here, in fact. However, it has been so good to be here Jules, so lovely. Such a shame I’ll be going home soon. So sad, despite the fact I look forward to being amongst my own kind again and returning to my former body.

Jules: May I ask where “Home” is Zed?

Zed: Well, for the last 2 years it has been your charming basement, hasn’t it? The one you had spruced up for me so nicely. But no, I see what you mean. Before I came to this planet, my Home was Groffan, near Twagbin on the planet Leefthrug. Do you know Leefthrug?

Jules: No, I’m afraid I don’t, sorry.

Zed: Hmmm I didn’t think you would… No matter. But you really must come and visit some time. If you do, I can assure you, you will be most welcome.

Jules: Why thank you Zed, you are very kind.

Zed: You think so. Really? I’m not so sure. It’s all relative, of course. If you think I’m kind you should meet Klack. She’s awesomely kind, really she is. It's astonishing in fact.

Jules: Zed, would you like a refill?

Zed: Oh yes, please, your coffee is terrific.

Jules: So Zed, would I be mistaken in saying that you're an alien from another planet who came here in peace to observe life on our planet.

Zed: That’s right Jules, you’ve got it in one, you are amazing; though I’ve only been interested in studying human behaviour it must be said.